I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
