Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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