i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
