I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize