Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
