u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
