dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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