he wants to bone in the snuggie
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
