My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
