she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
