Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You've changed since you got that strap on
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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