I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
