wat bout pragnant strippers??
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
