Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she looked like the before picture.
operation have a gay friend backfired
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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