community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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