STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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