apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My cat gives me a boner
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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