I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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