I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Randomize
