everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
