i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
