hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
