i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
