Are we in a gay sports bar?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
nutella sex= disaster
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
