i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize