best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
