after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Your cock deserves a montage
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize