maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
