I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
