Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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