So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
