i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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