Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
