Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
