what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
