After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
