I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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