Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
