Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
