youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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