she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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