Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
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