For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
