if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
