at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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