He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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