Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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