it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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