If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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