bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
