I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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