the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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