Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
