She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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