I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
