Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize