wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
