my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Randomize
