i think i have two assholes
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
