Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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