No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
