He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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