I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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