Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
