Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize