I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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