Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
