ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
