I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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