I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
