sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
