The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
