I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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