the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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