I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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