drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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