a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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