My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
