You really coming over, don't trick.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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