Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize