I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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