Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
