Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
