I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think I am morally bankrupt
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Acid is not a monday night drug
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
