If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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