You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
