Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
