East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
