this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
