My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
