I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
