Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
