Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
